Today I am in the Bell Jar.
My mental health is in the shitter.
Everything is a mess.
There are piles of unfinished projects everywhere.
Anytime I try to sit down and focus I make a running list of 5 million things I need to accomplished and then promptly do nothing.
Today I had to reminded myself to just do one thing that needed to get done.
Just one minor thing.
So I put down the cookbook (where I was sat thinking and flipping through everything I wanted to make and film and then wondered if I should map out cooking every recipe in that particular cookbook and wondered if that was a fun idea to work through, even though I would likely never follow through with said plan) and I went and got my camera. The battery is dead. So I got the charger and plugged it in. If I want to film a video then I need a fully charged camera.
This is how a small glimpse into why it is hard to get things done. Every tasks seems to have so many moving parts.
There are so many people that get worked up in the planning and the dreaming that they forget about the doing and sometimes … sometimes you just need to take one baby step in activity.
Just one thing.
You can do it too. Just one thing.
I am paralyzed in thought today at planning all the things I want to do. All the sudden I have a working title for a book. I have a giant birthday list of things I want to accomplish — this is the 5th article I started on Medium — so 5 tabs open just for Medium alone ( if you reading this yay me, I actually finished one and posted it). I have also decided on a fun YouTube goal and I finally brought my roller skates out of my car to only roll around my living room. They have now been left unattended in the middle of my kitchen (because roller skating in the house is hard).
Thankfully I am home alone.
Sometimes you need to create the chaos to sort out everything that needs to get done. So you can see your mind scattered everywhere with excitement and but no follow through — it feels almost therapeutic to see what actually needs to get accomplished.
I think somewhere in the back on my mind a know these 2 things:
- When the day starts in the bell jar the solution is to find one little thing to get accomplished; even if it is a minor, inconsequential task. I just need to take on one things to propel me into action.
- It is okay to feel overwhelmed by life sometimes. It is okay to just stop and really take in my coffee, every delicious sip. It is okay that some days mental health wins and sometimes you need to take it easy on yourself, The task lists I make are longer than the amount of hours I have in a day. I need to remind myself to get to the big stuff I need to also take things one step at a time.
This is just a reminder to anyone else out there that gets all scattered and busy and anxious — sometimes you need to switch to decaf.
Sometimes you just need to start with one little thing.
Sometimes you need to stop and do the 1 thing that is the most important thing on the list.
If you are still struggling 20 months into a pandemic — so am I.
You are not alone.
Feeling my anxiety disappear by accomplishing one small task at a time is reward enough some days. Everything will get done.
And if it doesn’t — you will march on.